I have moved....

I do not post much on this blog anymore, heck its been over a year since I have even been to this blog.

For more info please go to my blog at

http://mysteriouswriter.wordpress.com/

Thruogh there you will see whats been going on for almost a year and on how I am doing. It has been awhile since I have posted any stories or poems, so currently you will not find that there at my new blog.

I am looking though to get back into my writing, and telling my story.
I am still trying to live my life the way that I want to live in my still single universe.

I hope you have enjoyed what you have read so far. I will still keep this blog page open.

thanks for reading so far,
~Lesha

"Love" Fiction

Hey Everyone I know this story is completely Fiction. I also know you can not get out of the Army, just the next day. It is called AWOL and its not a wise decision to do cause it is an offence and you could get in big trouble if you do so. In my story you can do that cause well its fiction and in my story AWOL does not exist :) Anyway please read my short story.

Also Check out the video of Leona Lewis "Bleeding Love" This song has been in my head all day. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF84pIhP5UM

Love
By Alesha
© All Rights Reserved to Me, Alesha
3/23/08


Mike and I have been dating for three years now. I met Mike through a friend. Mike worked hard, something that I had always found attractive about him. He stood six feet five inches tall at my five feet four inch frame. He is a good looking man that every time I look at him I feel my heart doing the pitter patter where it than feels like it could jump out of my chest any moment. I have always felt since the day that I started dating him that I was the luckiest woman alive to have this man in my arms every night.


Than one day everything changed. Mike came up to me to tell me he had joined the Army. We never talked about either one of us joining the Army but the moment Mike stated, "I will be leaving tomorrow." That is when everything changed. I could not grasp what he was telling me. Mixed emotions ran through my body as if it was on fire. I was scared for him, scared for our relationship. Yet I felt that this needed to be done. As much as I love the women and men fighting for our country, I knew and felt that Mike would make the United States Proud.


Mike and I soon started to pack his things with very little spoken words. I could not bare myself when I stepped into the closet to grab the last duffel bag, as Mike was down stairs grabbing as many protein bars as he could. I was trying to tell myself that he was not going over seas just quite yet, but only going for training in another state. Yet it was all still a shock to me. This was the man I loved, the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.


I tried to dry my eyes as quick as I could before Mike could see my tears. I was trying to be strong but I couldn’t, not today. Mike, I guess felt or heard me cry, because before I knew it I was wrapped up in his arms, crying those crocodile tears. I loved Mike and I felt it in him that he loved me too. We both stopped what we were doing, and decided that we needed to leave the house to either grab a bite to eat or go see friends and family to tell them the news. I was proud of him, but I hated to see him leave. We have always been attached at the hip.


Hours passed after visiting family and friends. Many more tears were shed. Everyone fawning over us, and worry about how I would be doing when he is gone. I realized I could visit him on weekends, talk to him but that was not the same, for he was not here. I wanted to be selfish, yet I couldn’t, not for Mike. He wanted this; he wanted to make his country proud. We come home to see the house in disarray, suit cases in every which way where we walked, I looked at Mike than, and sighed. He took my hand, as we walked up the stairs. Mike knew I was not taking it well. We both lay in our bed, I soon had fallen asleep but felt Mike getting out of bed. I could hear him packing the rest of his belongings. Having his presence felt in the room for the last night we will be together, was not comforting but it was comfort knowing he still loved me.

Many hours had passed; I soon looked to Mike’s side of the bed, and noticed he was not there. I walked down the twenty three stairs that led into the living room, and the kitchen. There on the couch I see Mike sitting folding up a letter that he must have written. I also see photo albums strewn about on the coffee table. I could not help but noticed that he too had been crying. Mike looked up where he was sitting, noticing me standing there, rooted at my spot. I quickly came over to sit next to him, trying to hold on, trying to get closer. I grabbed my photo album containing the pictures of us and a bunch of friends at a bon-fire on the beach of Cabo San Lucas.

"Remember the time when we went to Cabo. We had only been dating 6 months but it felt as though we had been dating a life time. Every one stated that we were the soul mates of a new generation where we would be the only couple married to each other when everyone else was either divorced or only dating." I stated while still looking at the pictures in front of me.

"I remember. Yet do you also remember when, at Cabo that was the night we shared our first kiss, and every one else was surprise. That our friends could not believe it, for both us wanted to make our relationship more special than the rest of the relationships we had in the past." As Mike remembered.

"I do remember. I will always remember." As the tears started to pour from my eyes one more time, I cried with the words I had spoken.

I saw Mike take out a couple of pictures that he wanted to bring with him when he left, some of my favorites. One of the pictures was me standing in front of him with his arms wrapped around me, looking out into the ocean watching the sunset going down. A great friend of ours took the picture. That was the moment watching the sunset when we shared our first kiss. Another was where I was sitting between his legs as I was smiling up at him he was looking into the camera smiling. As if it was the same picture since we both are sitting the same, this time it was him smiling down at me, yet I was still in the same pose of looking up at him smiling.

"Are you finished packing?" I asked.

"Yeah I am." Mike replied.

More unspoken words again, for we both did not know what to say except that we loved the presence of one another. Before we knew it, it was time to head up to bed for Mike had to get up early, and get everything loaded into the car, and be at the air port by eleven o’clock for his plane was destined to leave at one.

The following morning I laid in the bed watching Mike get ready. He sat on the bed. I just looked at him, and cried, "Don’t go. You can not go." Mike brushed away some of my hair.

"You know I have to do this, Jersey. I think we both have known for quite a while that I have wanted to do this. I love you, very much. Do not forget that." Mike comforted me as he spoke.

"I know its, its just hard. Ugh, I guess I just have to pick myself up, huh?" I asked.

"It is okay to be sad. We have been attached at the hip since we have been together. My love for you Jersey is not going to end, it never will." Mike confirmed to me

Mike soon leaned into me, kissing me softly. And yet the tears still fell. "I love you, Jersey."

"I love you, too Mike. Always have, always will." I stated in a monotone voice.

Mike leaned into me again, kissing me one last time before he got up. I too got up out of bed, heading down the twenty three stairs one more time. I saw Mike pulling out of the drive way in his black Jeep Cherokee. In a matter of a couple hours I too would be leaving, to pick up the Jeep and bringing it home where it would sit for months at a time. What will I do? I feel as though the love of my life has walked out. Yet I know he will be back. I turned away from the window walking to the kitchen and feeling as though I was lonely for the first time in a long time.

Humming to myself and having my back facing the window I once was looking out just a few moments ago. I soon heard the door open. I stood there rooted at my spot once again but this time a spatula in my hand. I turned around noticing, Mike standing at the door looking at me.

"I can not go Jersey. I can not. I have to call and tell them that I will not be coming. I love you to much to throw this relationship away. I know if I go our relationship will never be the same as it is right now." Mike rattled off quicker than I can pick up what he is saying.

"Slow down, Mike." I laughed.

"What I am trying to say is, Will You Jersey Elizabeth Ryan, Marry Me?" Mike asked while walking to me and holding me close.

"Yes, I will." I replied with tears.

So we stood there rooted to our spots but with each other, holding on. Mike made the call. He told them that he decided against this and he had better things to do. I know Mike will make our country proud but in a different way, not the Army way, like we thought he would, as did everyone else.

"Love is never lost. Love will never end. No matter whom you love, no matter what you do. You should always keep the ones you love closest to you, even if you have to give them up, to let them do what they are made to do. When you Love someone, you can not make the choices for them, they have to make the choices for themselves." Alesha 3/23/08

"Guidance"

Your life starts when you enter the world from your mothers womb. You cry for someone to at least hold you, so you can feel the comfort you have felt for the past 9 months. You grow older, when things are tough you turn to your only source of guidance. Your parents. Once you hit those high school years it is the friends you have made a long the way that you will ask for guidance from.

Most graduate and move on to college. Some even stay back For they can not afford college. They continue to live at home or at least get a job, move out on there own, and at the same time try to make ends meat for they are young. They do not know the world quite yet.
You eventually learn from all the mistakes you made in life as of yet. You try to be a person that your parents have always wanted you to be. Some even go out and do the things there parents wanted them to become.

Yet you also stay back hoping for one day that your life will come to you. But as you know, it is already there. You just do not know it. You put up a front for everyone to see when you know its fake. You are also hoping for someone to see the real you. And all along there is someone who is looking at you. Wishing they could touch you. To hold you. Cause once again you want some type of guidance that has been lost since you hit that puberty stage in middle school. Thinking to yourself you know every thing, and along those lines you lost your self some where in the middle of all that you were around. For you did not have the right guidance in life
You think about how you were brought up. You had great parents. Or at least what you think. It is like a life altering change when you suddenly realize. Your parents no longer guided you since puberty. You pushed them away. You question yourself, "Have I called Mom and Dad yet?" You happen to pull your phone out. You have not talked to them in a month.

‘Did they ever call?’ you think to yourself. No, You have pushed them to far. You dial home..wait for an answer. "Hello, Mom? Dad?" you speak into the phone kinda nervous right. "Sweetheart is that you? We have missed you so much." the parents reply. "Why do you not call me?" you cry into the phone. "Honey, its because we trust you. We know you will make the right decisions." your dad speaks up. "I am sorry I have pushed you away."( I know that is the reason to this answer.) "I do not understand what is going on. Why do my friends do the things they do?" yet hear you are wanting your parents guidance for you do not want to end up like one of them or all of them.

The drinking. The partying. "It is not something you can understand. Your friends may be doing this for they want there parents attention for they may have never had the attention you once did. We know you. We trust you." it is all that your parents have to say. Or hope they do.

Making the right choices in life is the hardest thing to do. For you do not want to hurt someone along the way or yourself in that matter too. You have to stand up for yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. One day you will understand why people do the things they do. It is not your fault as a parent to let your kids go off to college. It is not your fault for how they ended up. What is your fault is not having enough guidance in there life to steer them in the right direction. Ah but I could be wrong there to. You see you made the choices not your parents that is where you went wrong. Your parents want you to come to them to talk. To hold you. To you show there is warmth in their love still. In your home where you grew up under that big old oak tree standing 13 feet high maybe even higher.
You know where you stand in life. But Partying is not one of them.
By Alesha 8/6/07

Not Long Ago...

Not to long ago. I realized I am finally Happy. Happy with my life. It has been so long since I have been happy. The last time I can remember that I was actually truly happy was at the age of ten or even eleven.

I always thought I was put on this earth to find who I was as a person. What became clear to me recently was that I have to let those things come to me. I am not to search for the person I am supposed to be.

I am suppose to live a life where things come to me and I don’t go to them. I know, and feel that there are things missing in my life. I know they will come shortly ‘cause I can feel it. I feel it in my heart, in my soul, and most of all I can feel when I am around people.

Growing up, after the age of eleven. I feel I was only putting a smile on my face to show everyone that I was a happy person inside and out. When really I was not. So much happened in my teenage years that I do not remember most or basically all of it. I remember arguments with my mom, my brother and my father. I do not remember what all of them were about.

What I do remember is babysitting a lot. Taking care of kids, riding bike, talking to friends, when all that is almost a blur. My teenage years were spent in depression. My only gateway was getting away from my family, and being in my room by myself. Being with my music, and most of all writing.

I do not think many understood me. I do not think that my family understood, to which I feel they still don’t understand me. There are things in my life that I want to forget. There are things I wish I could remember. I feel that I put a lot strain on my mom, and my brother. My father was never really there. I was so upset. I know he is trying to change his ways. Yet my mom and brother, I do not think they knew what to do with me.

At one point I remember my mom telling me, "Alesha, You have to stop. If you don’t stop this. I will put you on the ‘Ward’ floor."

Not many know this. I do not even think my closest friends I have known basically my whole life knew this. Because what they saw, was an act all along. They thought we had the greatest happiest family around. But what you see on the outside is not what you always expect on the inside.

I think and maybe, just maybe that I lost a part of me between the age of eleven and twenty-one. I think at twenty-one things started to hit me at once telling that things were going to change. Whether you like them or not.

I am Finally Happy, with who I am. I know friends will come and go. I know family will always be there. I know there are two things in my life I have to change.
One: To move out
Two: To loose weight.

Yet in all of this that I have written. Is also basically who I am. My Talents. My Passion. My Love, and My Generosity. Is what makes me who I am. I have to Love Myself before I Love my partner in the near future, and hopefully kids too. My dreams are also what make me, Me.

I feel that nothing can stop me. I am not searching I just know that more Happiness is on its way. I have days that I struggle. I know there will be days like that, but in the end. Where I am at now, is all that matters. Being Happy, and surrounding myself with people who take things as they came is a great source of Happiness. :)

By: Alesha (night of 7/23-7/24-2007)

"You See"

"You See"

7-7-07

You see, I am a person. A human being. A ‘being’ with feelings. To which no one really cares.

You see, there are so many people like me. Yet, I feel I am the only person like myself.

You see, I get hurt all the time. Why. I have a heart. A ‘heart’ that cares to much for her own good.

You see, no one notices. That I am around half the time. I have to speak up for someone to actually notice me. Why is that?

You see, its because, I am afraid. Afraid of being let down. Afraid of judgement. Afraid that people will not like me.

You see, I was teased. By friends. By family. By my peers. I got a long with many. Yet not so many got who I was. Which in the end, I still do not know who I am.

You see, not knowin’ who I am now. Well lets just say, "How can you get somewhere with out knowing who you are?" You already know who I may be. But I sure don’t know who I
am.

You see, why don’t you tell me. Tell me, who I am. Maybe I just need to hear it. Hear that, I am Beautiful. I am smart, I am... Well, I do not hear it enough. Maybe that is why I ask.

You see....Do you see....me?