"Guidance"

Your life starts when you enter the world from your mothers womb. You cry for someone to at least hold you, so you can feel the comfort you have felt for the past 9 months. You grow older, when things are tough you turn to your only source of guidance. Your parents. Once you hit those high school years it is the friends you have made a long the way that you will ask for guidance from.

Most graduate and move on to college. Some even stay back For they can not afford college. They continue to live at home or at least get a job, move out on there own, and at the same time try to make ends meat for they are young. They do not know the world quite yet.
You eventually learn from all the mistakes you made in life as of yet. You try to be a person that your parents have always wanted you to be. Some even go out and do the things there parents wanted them to become.

Yet you also stay back hoping for one day that your life will come to you. But as you know, it is already there. You just do not know it. You put up a front for everyone to see when you know its fake. You are also hoping for someone to see the real you. And all along there is someone who is looking at you. Wishing they could touch you. To hold you. Cause once again you want some type of guidance that has been lost since you hit that puberty stage in middle school. Thinking to yourself you know every thing, and along those lines you lost your self some where in the middle of all that you were around. For you did not have the right guidance in life
You think about how you were brought up. You had great parents. Or at least what you think. It is like a life altering change when you suddenly realize. Your parents no longer guided you since puberty. You pushed them away. You question yourself, "Have I called Mom and Dad yet?" You happen to pull your phone out. You have not talked to them in a month.

‘Did they ever call?’ you think to yourself. No, You have pushed them to far. You dial home..wait for an answer. "Hello, Mom? Dad?" you speak into the phone kinda nervous right. "Sweetheart is that you? We have missed you so much." the parents reply. "Why do you not call me?" you cry into the phone. "Honey, its because we trust you. We know you will make the right decisions." your dad speaks up. "I am sorry I have pushed you away."( I know that is the reason to this answer.) "I do not understand what is going on. Why do my friends do the things they do?" yet hear you are wanting your parents guidance for you do not want to end up like one of them or all of them.

The drinking. The partying. "It is not something you can understand. Your friends may be doing this for they want there parents attention for they may have never had the attention you once did. We know you. We trust you." it is all that your parents have to say. Or hope they do.

Making the right choices in life is the hardest thing to do. For you do not want to hurt someone along the way or yourself in that matter too. You have to stand up for yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. One day you will understand why people do the things they do. It is not your fault as a parent to let your kids go off to college. It is not your fault for how they ended up. What is your fault is not having enough guidance in there life to steer them in the right direction. Ah but I could be wrong there to. You see you made the choices not your parents that is where you went wrong. Your parents want you to come to them to talk. To hold you. To you show there is warmth in their love still. In your home where you grew up under that big old oak tree standing 13 feet high maybe even higher.
You know where you stand in life. But Partying is not one of them.
By Alesha 8/6/07

Not Long Ago...

Not to long ago. I realized I am finally Happy. Happy with my life. It has been so long since I have been happy. The last time I can remember that I was actually truly happy was at the age of ten or even eleven.

I always thought I was put on this earth to find who I was as a person. What became clear to me recently was that I have to let those things come to me. I am not to search for the person I am supposed to be.

I am suppose to live a life where things come to me and I don’t go to them. I know, and feel that there are things missing in my life. I know they will come shortly ‘cause I can feel it. I feel it in my heart, in my soul, and most of all I can feel when I am around people.

Growing up, after the age of eleven. I feel I was only putting a smile on my face to show everyone that I was a happy person inside and out. When really I was not. So much happened in my teenage years that I do not remember most or basically all of it. I remember arguments with my mom, my brother and my father. I do not remember what all of them were about.

What I do remember is babysitting a lot. Taking care of kids, riding bike, talking to friends, when all that is almost a blur. My teenage years were spent in depression. My only gateway was getting away from my family, and being in my room by myself. Being with my music, and most of all writing.

I do not think many understood me. I do not think that my family understood, to which I feel they still don’t understand me. There are things in my life that I want to forget. There are things I wish I could remember. I feel that I put a lot strain on my mom, and my brother. My father was never really there. I was so upset. I know he is trying to change his ways. Yet my mom and brother, I do not think they knew what to do with me.

At one point I remember my mom telling me, "Alesha, You have to stop. If you don’t stop this. I will put you on the ‘Ward’ floor."

Not many know this. I do not even think my closest friends I have known basically my whole life knew this. Because what they saw, was an act all along. They thought we had the greatest happiest family around. But what you see on the outside is not what you always expect on the inside.

I think and maybe, just maybe that I lost a part of me between the age of eleven and twenty-one. I think at twenty-one things started to hit me at once telling that things were going to change. Whether you like them or not.

I am Finally Happy, with who I am. I know friends will come and go. I know family will always be there. I know there are two things in my life I have to change.
One: To move out
Two: To loose weight.

Yet in all of this that I have written. Is also basically who I am. My Talents. My Passion. My Love, and My Generosity. Is what makes me who I am. I have to Love Myself before I Love my partner in the near future, and hopefully kids too. My dreams are also what make me, Me.

I feel that nothing can stop me. I am not searching I just know that more Happiness is on its way. I have days that I struggle. I know there will be days like that, but in the end. Where I am at now, is all that matters. Being Happy, and surrounding myself with people who take things as they came is a great source of Happiness. :)

By: Alesha (night of 7/23-7/24-2007)

"You See"

"You See"

7-7-07

You see, I am a person. A human being. A ‘being’ with feelings. To which no one really cares.

You see, there are so many people like me. Yet, I feel I am the only person like myself.

You see, I get hurt all the time. Why. I have a heart. A ‘heart’ that cares to much for her own good.

You see, no one notices. That I am around half the time. I have to speak up for someone to actually notice me. Why is that?

You see, its because, I am afraid. Afraid of being let down. Afraid of judgement. Afraid that people will not like me.

You see, I was teased. By friends. By family. By my peers. I got a long with many. Yet not so many got who I was. Which in the end, I still do not know who I am.

You see, not knowin’ who I am now. Well lets just say, "How can you get somewhere with out knowing who you are?" You already know who I may be. But I sure don’t know who I
am.

You see, why don’t you tell me. Tell me, who I am. Maybe I just need to hear it. Hear that, I am Beautiful. I am smart, I am... Well, I do not hear it enough. Maybe that is why I ask.

You see....Do you see....me?

Post Damnit

Okay so here is the thing.

I start this blog. But I have no damn idea to write about. I need something to write about. I need to talk about something. Something that is entertaining..I really am not that entertaining and I Love to Talk. Who does not like to Talk..if you are a person who does not like to talk..something is seriously like wrong with you. Okay so after typing this sentence I finally realized what I could talk about. I wrote something not to long ago..it may not even make sense but here you go.

"Your Life"
You never know when your life is going to start. What you do know is, You enjoy life and what ever comes your way.
To you, You may thinking your life starts right when you graduated High School or when you started a brand new job.
In life do not rush. When you rush, you loose sight of yourself, and those around you.
Be True to yourself in any situation you come across. Say 'No' when you know that you do not want to do something. It is just that simple.

Okay so I also have one more.

There is a story to every person you come in contact with. It is only up them , if they want to
tell their story or not.
There is also a story about, You. You may not know it, but there is.
Each person that you have met or even know, in one way or another, they have a story to tell about you. A story that could last a lifetime.
Be Yourself, Stay Strong, Take Time for Yourself. Then everything else will just fall into place.
Okay so there you go. A Blog. Is it long enough for you? Or should it be longer? You tell me. :)
Keep Sane

Yo!

You would think after having so many blogs I would know what to say. Well I Don't so eh? lol Anyhow I am single. I also need a man. So maybe if I blog here a Man who is interested in my Heart can say..I love your heart lol..lame I know.

Anyhow. this is my life in my single universe with my guitars and roses...oh and you can not forget my friend cj my sugar and I am her peaches..If you really want to know why we have these nicknames let me know cuase it is Quit Hilarious hahaah...Anyway..I will update more.. cause I have a lot to say to anyone who is willing to listen or rather read. lol

An as Always keep sane. :)